Cheerio, Downton Abbey fans! Spoilers follow, of course.
1. It’s difficult living down the reputation of being a husband-stealer among farmer’s wives.
Poor Edith. (Another spoiler alert: I’m going to say that a lot in this post.) The woman visits Mr. Drewe, who farms for her father, just so she can see her secret love child, Marigold. Mrs. Drewe, who swallowed the whole “child of a dead relative she never knew about” story, thinks Edith has the hots for her hubby. The fact that Edith once got caught in a passionate embrace with another married farmer may have contributed a wee bit to her suspicions.
2. It’s difficult being the spoiled niece of a lord, so you may as well spend time matchmaking for other people.
Cousin Rose has a lot of time on her hands now that she’s no longer engaged in a scandalous affair with a jazz musician, so she’s doing the Emma Woodhouse thing and butting into other people’s love lives. She spent most of the opening episode pushing Tom towards his teacher-friend Miss Bunting.
3. Quelle horreur! Miss Bunting is an advocate of the working class and poor!
She and all the people who recently voted in the Labour party government mean to destroy everything Robert stands for: the God-given right of people who inherited or married into money to run everything. Also, she means to destroy his dinner by speaking freely of her thoughts and opinions.
Thank goodness the show had Miss Bunting air her opinions in the rudest way possible so that viewers will hate her instead of giving her arguments fair consideration.
4. Mary and Lord What’s-his-face have what has to be the dullest love scene in the history of television.
Nothing ratchets up the sexual tension like a business-ish proposal to have some try-out sex before marriage.
5. Hey, what happened to the other What’s-his-face who was interested in Mary?
I guess he lost out by not proposing rehearsal sex.
6. More matchmaking, this time by Violet.
Or, rather, UN-matchmaking. Violet is miffed that Isobel has a lord courting her. So she’s trying to match up the lord with a more suitable woman, i.e., NOT Isobel. She’s also trying to spark a flame between Isobel and her erstwhile doctor-suitor. She better watch out, or Isobel will marry the lord just to spite her.
7. Daisy can’t do math, but wants to learn.
You know that Miss Bunting is going to teach her. The communist.
8. It’s difficult being the butler of a lord when the world is becoming more egalitarian.
Carson is shocked when he is invited to chair a committee to build a war memorial, and not Robert. What do those people think–that he’s his equal, or something? Carson fixed that by insisting they name Lord Grantham the memorial’s patron. Phew, that’ll stop history from marching forward.
9. It’s difficult being a murderer–er, wait, what? I mean, it’s difficult constantly being under a cloud of suspicion when you didn’t do a thing to earn it.
Thomas is trying like hell to find out if Bates had anything to do with the death of Anna’s rapist. He thinks Baxter the housekeeper knows something and is browbeating and blackmailing her into telling him something. In other words, Thomas is being his usual sweet self.
10. Is it just me, or is Anna wondering about her husband, too?
I’m getting some chilly vibes between them. Bates keeps making cracks that Lord What’s-his-face won’t want to raise Mary’s son because he’s not his child.
Um, isn’t it a little late for a who’s the daddy story?
11. Jimmy’s got a girlfriend, Jimmy’s got a girlfriend . . .
Actually, she’s his ex-employer and they’ve been corresponding by letter. Thomas’ advice to Jimmy to stay away from her is surprisingly wise.
Of course, it’s difficult for Jimmy to stay away from her when she shows up and horns her way into Downton Abbey as a guest.
12. Poor Moseley. He’s got a crush on Baxter and tried to dye his hair so he would look younger.
Instead, his hair turned blue.
I’ll say this for Edith–at least her hair hasn’t turned blue.
13. Baxter is a THIEF!
Oh, thank God, because up to now she’s been so goody-goody and boring I was afraid Bates was going to go after her.
To stave off Thomas’ blackmail, she confessed to Cora she stole jewels from a previous employee and went to jail for it.
Of course, Cora fired her on the spot. NOT.
I’m wondering about Cora. I think she likes having maids that plot and scheme.
14. Poor Edith. Mrs. Hughes found a book with her missing lover’s signature in it.
So, of course, the thing you do with such a discovery is hurl it near a lit fireplace just as you’re about to fall asleep.
15. Here he comes to save the day! It’s Super-Thomas!
Thomas tried spilling the dirt on Baxter to Cora, but darn, she already knew about it. So for the flippity-billionth time, Thomas was on the verge of being dismissed.
And for the flippity-billionth time, Thomas found a way of avoiding dismissal. This time by saving poor Edith from the fire she stupidly started.
16. Poor Edith. By setting the fire, almost destroying Downton Abbey and almost killing her entire family, she gave Mary another opportunity for one of her classic Edith put-downs.
Come on, Edith. Punch her lights out, already. Seriously. I’ll pay you to do it. Or at least get you some flame-retardant nightgowns.
17. By saving everyone from the fire, Thomas saves his job but indirectly gets Jimmy fired instead.
Because of course Jimmy was canoodling with his former boss as the fire broke out. Robert is the one who caught them. I guess they needed a contingency plan in case the actor got cast in the new Star Wars movie.
18. Baby Sybie totally has Robert’s number.
She refuses to call him Grandpapa. Instead, she calls him “Donk.”
Hahahaha. She doesn’t need Miss Bunting for a stepmom, she’s already a baby rebel.
19. Poor Edith.
Actually, that was it for this episode. Just thought I’d get a jump ahead for the next one.